


The Scalphunter

by Fiona James (Bluewolf458)



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 00:31:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11302038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluewolf458/pseuds/Fiona%20James
Summary: In pon farr, Spock turned to Kirk... who reacted badly





	The Scalphunter

**Author's Note:**

> First appeared in Duet V

The Scalphunter  
  
by Sara S. Reynolds  
  
aka Fiona James  
  


  
  
Kirk gasped, trying desperately to relax as the hard bulk of an engorged penis nudged demandingly at his anus. Resistance would not help him; would only intensify the pain.  
  
What foolishness had brought him here, out into the unpopulated wasteland of Vulcan's arid semi-desert with only his First Officer for company? No, not foolishness; he had accepted Spock's invitation to spend a leave on Vulcan willingly; and he had been thoroughly enjoying himself. The lure of a trip to visit one of the planet's few beauty spots had brought him here now.  
  
His First Officer's assault had been totally unexpected; the firm arms closing tightly around him had been the first shock, then the demanding mouth that closed over his, muffling his protests; then Spock's hips thrust against his, and the swollen penis pressing against him told the rest of the story.  
  
Pon farr.  
  
There was no real protest he could make. They were two days from civilisation, with no one else near; and Spock must mate or die. If he thought a male body would serve him...  
  
And so Kirk submitted. Accepted, but did not respond. Allowed the clothes to be stripped from him, the hungry mouth and fingers to caress him. Now Spock sought to enter his virgin body.  
  
The huge bulk of the Vulcan's penis pressed harder, harder... and then he felt it sliding into him, slowly at first, then with far more assurance. His own penis hung limp; he was shuddering with revulsion, the sense of being used filling him with a sick disgust, killing any arousal that he might have felt.  
  
And then the Vulcan was thrusting uncontrollably into him. He could hear Spock moaning in an ecstasy he could not share or even begin to comprehend. Hot semen filled him.  
  
Might that be enough to satisfy the Vulcan's instinctive lust? No. Surely not!  
  
Not indeed! Spock lay still for a minute, clasping Kirk close. Then he began to nibble at the Human's ear. Gently, so gently, his lips moved to Kirk's neck, sucking softly. His fingers pinched the Human's nipples painfully.  
  
"Don't, Spock - it hurts," he gasped. But the Vulcan did not seem to hear him, continuing the caress with an odd mixture of tenderness and painful insistence. His penis, still buried in Kirk's body - at least he would not have to experience the pain of penetration again, Kirk thought almost gratefully, seemed to swell still more as he continued to toy with Kirk's nipples. And then he was moving again. He seemed more controlled this time, using a steadier thrust. A hand slid down Kirk's body to hold his hips firmly against the pounding, which went on and on, much longer than before.  
  
The hot flood of ejaculation came again, and Spock withdrew, but only to turn Kirk to face him. His mouth covered Kirk's, his tongue forcing its way between the Human's lips to explore the moist warmth of Kirk's mouth thoroughly, a hand behind Kirk's head holding it steady, preventing Kirk from even trying to move away. For a moment Kirk wondered if Spock was meaning to meld with him, but no - it seemed to be a purely physical embrace; there was no sensation of the Vulcan's mind, so familiar from past melds, touching his.  
  
At last Spock raised his head, and Kirk drew a quick, deep breath. The lips touched his eyelids gently, feather-soft, then claimed his mouth once more. The still engorged penis rubbed against his stomach; it felt... strange. Not unpleasant, exactly... but not pleasant either.  
  
A hand cupped his buttock, holding him close, stroking him lightly. It was a caress that he would normally have found most enjoyable, had it been given by a woman; but he could not forget that it was being given by a man.  
  
It seemed that now Spock was trying to arouse him - but he was still too deep in shock over what had happened to be able to respond, even had he wished to do so. Spock's hand wrapped around his penis, stroking it, but it was utterly useless, and after a minute Spock ceased, allowing the soft penis to lie as it would, apparently realising the futility of his action. His legs were pulled over Spock's shoulders; the firm penis touched him again, thrusting, demanding an entrance... and that entry forced, slid deeply into him again, stretching the tender flesh.  
  
The steady thrusting filled him once more. Less urgent now, it was still overwhelming in its intensity. It seemed to go on for ever, hard, demanding... yet the hand that caressed him, the lips that touched him, were gentle, even... loving? Until at last the Vulcan once more achieved orgasm and then, withdrawing, rolled off Kirk to lie beside him, motionless.  
  
"Spock?" His voice was hoarse, strained.  
  
After a moment, "Yes, Captain." His voice was dull listless; also strained.  
  
"Are you all right now?"  
  
"Yes, Captain... I... realise an apology is of little value after... after what I have just done... but I do apologise. I had no prior warning that this could happen, or I would not have invited you here... "  
  
"I realise..." Kirk swallowed. "I realise that this time is difficult for you." He glanced sideways at Spock, horrified by the revulsion he was experiencing. "Are...are you completely all right now?"  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
Kirk drew a deep breath. He wanted nothing more, now, than to get away from this place. "Perhaps we'd better go back, just the same. Just in case... "  
  
"There will not be a recurrence, Captain, I can assure you. However, I realise you must find it difficult to... to be alone with me now. I regret that we have no faster method of return than our feet."  
  
The last two days, walking here, had been so pleasant, in spite of the heat...  
  
"That's all right. It might cause talk if... if..." He was unable to continue.  
  
Spock shook his head unhappily. "There is bound to be some speculation, Captain; even among Vulcans, curiosity is rife, and we will be returning at least two days earlier than would normally be expected." He looked, half hopefully, at Kirk.  
  
"All we need say is that I found the conditions too arduous," Kirk said firmly. Such an admission would be less shaming to his male pride than admitting the truth; that his First Officer had seen in him an 'effeminate' streak that had enabled him to use his Human body during pon farr. He was quite sure that if Spock had seen in him another male, he would have seen him as a rival and challenged; Kirk had not forgotten Spock's single-minded bloodlust the previous time, as single-minded as his sexual assault had been this time.  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
They resumed the clothes Spock had pulled from their bodies in his need, gathered their rucksacks and headed back the way they had come, walking in a deadly silence. Kirk, still in the grip of the frightening disgust he had experienced at Spock's assault, could think of nothing he wanted to say to the Vulcan, even if he had not been fully occupied in hiding the pain the straps of the rucksack were causing to his sunburned skin. Spock, ashamed, dared not speak.  
  
Their camp that right was a mockery of the rapport they had shared on the previous night. Spock prepared food that neither wanted, while Kirk erected the tent they had brought, shuddering at the knowledge that they would have to share it if they were both to survive the chill of the Vulcan night. Silently they choked down the food, impelled by a mixture of pride and common sense. It seemed important to them both to try to behave normally; they needed to eat if they were to survive the rigors of the desert. Then Kirk disappeared into the tent. Spock gave him half an hour while he tidied everything away, before he followed.  
  
Kirk was lying as far from Spock's sleeping bag as he could, his head buried in the depths of his own bag. He had not undressed; only his boots lay at the tent door.  
  
Spock removed his boots too, then slid into his sleeping bag, also fully dressed, being very careful not to touch Kirk. He lay awake, miserable, wondering if Kirk would ever fully forgive him.

  
  
***

  
  
  
As they packed in the morning, Spock decided to try again. "Captain. I am sorry for what happened."  
  
"It's done." Kirk said flatly.  
  
"The circumstance... will not recur for several years."  
  
"Won't it? How can you be sure, Mr. Spock? It hasn't been seven years, has it? Were you expecting it this time?"  
  
"No," Spock whispered.  
  
"So it could happen again any time - with as little warning. Forgive me, Mr. Spock, but I can't see myself as the object of rape - by the same person - more than once. I'd be a fool to risk it, wouldn't I?"  
  
"Yes, sir." His voice was almost inaudible.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't report it. As much for my sake as yours," Kirk added in a brittle voice. "But... well... how can I possibly trust you again?" Each word was a knife in the Vulcan's heart.  
  
"Under those circumstances, Captain, it might be better if I was to request a transfer." Had he really managed to speak so evenly, his voice controlled, showing no sign of his agony?  
  
"No, Mr. Spock. You're still the best First Officer in the Fleet, and that is worth a great deal to me. In that, I still trust you. We don't need to see each other off duty."  
  
_Did I make you hate me so much that you must torture me? Do you not understand, Jim?_ Spock looked at Kirk's set face, knowing how inflexible the Human was once his decision was made.  
  
This, then, was his punishment. To see Kirk daily, to work with him... but be denied the companionship that had become almost as necessary to him as breathing itself. All he could do was live with it as best he could.  
  
When they reached Spock's home, Kirk faked a message from the Enterprise,  recalling him. Spock remained behind, glad of the respite, but bitterly unhappy. He took long solitary walks, hiding from everyone, dreading his eventual return to the ship, yet hoping that Kirk, given this interval to consider matters, might still forgive him.  
  


  
***

  
  
Back on the Enterprise, Kirk brushed off all the inquiries about his early return. It was only right that Spock should have some time alone with his parents, he had work to catch up on - but alone in his office, he sat staring blindly at the work he had to do, his mind going over and over the details of Spock's 'betrayal'.  
  
It was not the sexual usage he objected to so much, he decided, it was the sense of violation as the Vulcan entered his body. Being used to satisfy an overwhelming physical need. He and Spock were... had been... friends; but friendship didn't mean love. Yet if he could think that Spock actually loved him... wanted him... it could have been acceptable, he decided, in spite of his fear that Spock had seen him as 'effeminate'. But Vulcans did not acknowledge love. Just the satisfaction of 'lust' every few years.  
  
The intercom bleeped. He reached out, grateful for the interruption; his thoughts were becoming uncomfortable.  
  
Lt. Palmer, relief for the on-leave Uhura, said, "Message from Starfleet Command, sir."  
  
"Pipe it down, Lieutenant." _Orders?_  
  
The stern features of Admiral Komack replaced Palmer's blonde elegance. "Captain Kirk. You will take the Enterprise to Delta Leonis III to perform a mining survey. The planet is reported rich in minerals. Your scientific staff will be temporarily increased by Lt.Commander Andrew King, mining engineer, and his staff. He will be in charge of the survey; we expect your Science Officer to give him all the assistance he requires. Recall your off-duty personnel and proceed as soon as possible."  
  
Kirk contacted Palmer. "Start recalling everyone, Lieutenant," he said. "Transporter room - let me know as soon as Lt. Commander King comes aboard."  
  
"It'll be any time now, sir," Kyle replied, "I've had a signal to stand by."  
  
"I'm on my way." With a last glance at the work he had not yet touched, Kirk strode into the corridor. He was feeling more cheerful, although he had not even begun to solve his own personal problems,  
  
He reached the transporter room just as King was materialising, and moved forward with genuine pleasure. "Andy! It's been a long time."  
  
"Jim - good to see you again."  
  
Alphabetical order had initially thrown them into each other's company on their first day at Starfleet Academy, and they had remained friendly during their first year before they had specialised, the one going to command and the other to study geology and mining techniques. King had never really fancied Starship duty, but there were many opportunities for a mining engineer in Starfleet.  
  
He had had the sort of looks, then, that could be called 'pretty'; with maturity his features had lost their delicate lines, and now he could be called handsome.  
  
Kirk bore him off, talking happily about the past, as the first of King's staff materialised. Kyle sighed resignedly. He was in for a busy few hours as the crew also started calling in.

  
  
***

  
  
Commander Spock was one of the last to arrive, somewhat to Kyle's surprise. What the Vulcan did not explain was that he had been on one of his treks in the desert, and it had taken his parents some time to trace him.  
  
Outside the transporter room, Spock paused.  What now? Normally, he would head for the bridge, confident of his welcome... but it was not, by ship's time, his watch, and Kirk might not now appreciate... No. He must act as he normally would. He headed for the turbolift.  
  
Kirk was not on the bridge.  
  
Scotty had the con; he grinned cheerfully at Spock, and the Vulcan knew that whatever else had happened, Kirk had not made his behaviour public... Not that he had expected him to.  
  
"The Captain's in the mess wi' Lt. Commander King," Scotty told him.  
  
"Who is that?" Spock asked, the unfamiliar name temporarily catching his attention.  
  
"He's a mining engineer, an old friend of the Captain's. He's to be in charge o' a survey o' Delta Leonis III."  
  
"I see." He turned back to the elevator.  
  
Half reluctantly he made his way to the mess. He had to know how Kirk was feeling now about him; how Kirk intended to behave towards him...  
  
At first, he thought Mr. Scott had been wrong, and then he saw Kirk, sitting with his back to the door, facing across the table a strikingly handsome Human of about the same age, for whom Spock felt an immediate and uncontrollable antipathy that he could not explain, but that he feared might be jealousy. Suppressing it, drawing a deep breath, Spock moved over to the table.  
  
Kirk glanced up, and a shadow crossed his face.  
  
"Reporting aboard, sir," Spock said formally.  
  
"Very well, Mr. Spock. This is Lt. Commander King, a mining engineer who will be in charge of the science department during our next mission. Andy, Mr. Spock, my First Officer and Science Officer." His voice was completely impersonal, matching Spock's own formality perfectly.  
  
"Mr. Spock."  
  
"Mr. King." Spock turned back to Kirk. "I will be in my quarters if I am required, sir." If this formality was what Kirk wanted, Spock could oblige - relatively easily  
  
"Very well, Mr. Spock.," Kirk repeated. He watched Spock walk stiffly away, pain it his eyes. He didn't want to distrust Spock... but the revulsion he had experienced was still strong in him.  
  
"What's he like to work with, Jim?" King recalled his attention.  
  
"Very efficient," Kirk replied.  
  
"A bit joyless looking though - still, that's typical of Vulcans," King commented.  
  
Kirk found himself resenting the comment, and adroitly changed the subject back to their days at the Academy.  
  


  
***  
 

  
  
McCoy watched, puzzled by the rift that had so clearly - to his eyes -  opened between his friends. Spock was rarely seen off duty; his watch over, he went to the mess for a quick meal then retired to his quarters. That in itself was not so unusual; but in the past, Kirk had also vanished, to reappear hours later, frequently with a muttered comment to anyone highly enough ranked who happened to be passing about 'Vulcan luck at chess'. But now Jim had resumed his old friendship with Andrew King, and was rarely seen off duty out of his company - and was always seen off duty. He was, it seemed, more cheerful than usual, laughing and joking in high spirits; but it appeared to McCoy that there was a febrile quality to his cheerfulness.  
  
He managed to buttonhole Kirk one day and asked him outright if he and Spock had quarrelled.  
  
"Quarrelled?" Kirk sounded slightly guilty "Why, no."  
  
McCoy looked suspiciously at him. "But something has happened - come between you."  
  
"I... there's nothing to discuss on that subject, Bones," Kirk said uneasily.  
  
"Are you sure, Jim?"  
  
The intercom bleeped just then, and Kirk answered it with an air of guilty relief. "Kirk here."  
  
"We're picking up an unusual reading on the sensors, sir," Sulu reported. "I think it's just a dust cloud, but..."  
  
"Very well, Mr. Sulu, I'll be right up." He glanced at McCoy. "There's no need to bring this matter up again, Bones. I've got nothing to discuss." He walked away.      
  
McCoy chewed his lip, more than ever convinced that something had happened - probably during their leave together, judging from the way Kirk had returned several days before Spock.  
  
Kirk reached the bridge feeling; that an emergency, any emergency, would be preferable to McCoy's probing. He had no illusions about the sharpness of the doctor's mind; with a few well-placed and apparently unconnected questions he could rival Sherlock Holmes in his deductive powers. Even his own refusal to talk would add evidence to whatever conclusion McCoy was coming to, and he knew that sooner or later McCoy would approach him again.  
  
Sulu had been right, however; the readings did come from a dust cloud. It meant a slight detour to avoid the thickest part of the cloud, but the deflectors were well able to handle most of the dust, and after a couple o£ hours he was able to return the con to Sulu, and return to his quarters.  
  
Meanwhile, McCoy had been giving more thought to the problem, and decided to approach Spock. He was hesitant about making such a move, for he knew the Vulcan's almost obsessive desire for privacy. But Kirk clearly was not about to talk... and McCoy knew too well the danger that could lie in unrelieved unhappiness. The dull misery in Spock's eyes was unmistakable, at least to McCoy; it should have been obvious to Kirk, too. Kirk was clearly unhappy also, but in his case it showed up as a spirited refusal to admit to his unhappiness, a feverish attempt, helped by the presence of his old academy friend, to disguise his troubles.  
  
Resolutely, McCoy headed for Spock's cabin.  
  
"Come." The voice too was dull.  
  
Spock was sitting at his desk. He had clearly been doing nothing; merely staring into space. He gathered his thoughts with an obvious effort. "Yes, Doctor?"  
  
"You don't have to play-act with me, Spock," McCoy said. "I know something is worrying you. Is it Jim?"  
  
Spock stiffened. "That is no concern of yours, Doctor."  
  
"The health of the crew is my concern, Spock, and I can see you're brooding - fretting yourself into... well, if you were Human, I'd say a nervous breakdown. A doctor does not betray confidences, Spock. Why not tell me?" He looked encouragingly at the Vulcan. "It mightn't be as bad as all that." His voice was quietly coaxing.  
  
"There is nothing you can do."  
  
"So you admit something is wrong?"  
  
Spock sighed. "I can hardly deny it, can I?" he asked helplessly. "But there is no solution. The Captain will not permit me to transfer."  
  
"Transfer? It's as bad as that?"  
  
Spock closed his eyes; he had been out-manoeuvred.  
  
"What happened?" McCoy asked gently. After a moment, when there was no reply, he went on. "I know Vulcans have a strong sense of privacy, but you are half Human, and no matter how hard you try to be Vulcan, the Human does demand his due... and at the moment, I think it's the Human that's making you miserable. Why not give him a break?"  
  
Spock shook his head helplessly. "It... is not... I could not... "  
  
McCoy waited patiently'  
  
"I am ashamed," Spock whispered at last. "You would... despise me, if you knew... "  
  
"I'm a Doctor, Spock. We hear a lot of things... and I'm your friend. It'll take a lot to shock me."  
  
Spock looked at him. He had no hope that McCoy could help him - but perhaps he might be able to make Kirk see the desirability of permitting Spock to transfer. But still he hesitated, until at last, tightly, he whispered. "On our leave on Vulcan. Jim and I went into the desert. While we were there, I entered pon farr. I had no warning... and Jim was there... someone I... knew, whose presence was... congenial... and I... I... " He choked, then continued resolutely, now that he had finally decided to tell McCoy. "He submitted - he had not the strength to resist - but was shocked... revolted... "  
  
"Oh God." Impulsively, McCoy threw his arm around the thin shoulders. "It wasn't your fault, Spock. You can't control pon farr."  
  
"I could not even... warn him.    How can he ever trust me again?"  
  
Privately, McCoy had to agree. "I suppose it will take time," he said slowly and diplomatically, knowing it would be false kindness to deny Spock's fear. "Rape! It is something difficult to come to terms with...  but dammit, there's a world of difference between what you did, and a Human male acting out of sheer lust. Your very life was at stake!"  
  
"Death would have been preferable. But I could not control myself. I wanted him. It was not just that he was there, Doctor. I wanted _him_!" His voice broke on a sob. "I think he knows it too. He realises that next time... next time I will do it again, if I get the chance. That is what is worrying him the most, I think. That I will do it again."  
  
McCoy held him gently. _Poor devil._ When the Vulcan appeared to have regained a measure of control, he asked, "Had you realised that before?"  
  
"No."  
  
_It must have been as much of a shock to Spock to realise he wanted Jim, as for Jim to realise Spock was about to rape him,_ McCoy thought.          
  
"I won't say I'm sure that it'll work out," he said at last, "because I'm not. But what you can be sure of is that I'm still your friend. I know I can't replace Jim for you, but at least I'm still here - and I still care. I'm on your side."  
  
Spock swallowed. "You... are not shocked?"  
  
"Well, I won't deny I'm surprised... or maybe not. Life hasn't been easy for you, has it? A divided heritage, loneliness... it's almost classic, in a way. You've never been really sure of yourself, have you? Always fighting to be accepted for what you are... That sort of uncertainty often shows in homosexual tendencies - underlined in your case by the simple fact that Jim is the only person who's ever really understood you. Given you complete and unqualified acceptance, until now. No, it's not so surprising that you should be drawn to him all the way... "  
  
"... and he is a normal, heterosexual male." There was almost bitterness in Spock's voice. "I know. Without my Vulcan heritage... without pon farr, he would never have known... and neither would I."  
  


  
  
***  
  


  
"Do you still play chess?" Kirk asked curiously over coffee one evening.  
  
"Not often," King replied. He laughed. "I always promised myself that I'd beat you one day... but then we took different courses, our free time never seemed to coincide... I've played a few times over the years, but I'm definitely rusty. What about you?"  
  
"I'm in practice," Kirk said.  
  
King noticed the shadow that crossed his companion's face, wondered briefly but without any real interest at its cause, then dismissed it.  
  
"I don't suppose I stand a chance... but I'm game to try."  
  
"Right, you're on. We'll lay claim to a set in rec room 2 as soon as you've finished your coffee, and see how long it takes you to beat me." Kirk found himself curiously unwilling to use the set in his quarters. It seemed disloyal, somehow, even though he was sure he would never play with Spock again.  
  
"A long time, I expect." King gulped the last of his coffee and they went out together.

  
  
***

  
  
Rec room 2 was, as Kirk had expected, relatively quiet. What was unexpected was the presence of his First Officer. Spock was playing chess - two-dimensional - with McCoy, who had never quite grasped the complexities of the three-dimensional game.  
  
Kirk raised a surprised eyebrow. McCoy glanced at him and then deliberately looked away again. Spock did not look up at all, yet Kirk was sure the Vulcan had seen him. Spock moved a piece deliberately, as if to deny awareness of anything outside the game.  
  
Kirk led his companion to a table as far from Spock and McCoy as possible, and they started to play. Half of Kirk's attention, however, was on the other table. McCoy was not a chess player; that he was playing now argued that he was deliberately keeping Spock company. What had Spock told McCoy that he had looked away again so quickly, not even acknowledging Kirk's presence? Not the full truth, surely? Spock would not lie, of course, but it was not a lie to tell only a limited version of the truth. Yet even a limited version could not hide the ugly nature of what had happened; that on entering pon farr, Spock had attacked and raped his friend.  
  
Well, if McCoy had decided to support Spock, he decided it would be petty of him to object. He had plenty of friends; he had no reason to deny Spock one... He dismissed a faint twinge of guilt. He was not over-reacting to the situation, surely? With his Human blood, Spock could not predict the onset of pon farr, and it could strike him at any time. If he never got any warning, as happened this last time... No, Kirk had no wish to be raped yet again. It was one thing to pretend it never happened, quite another to risk it happening again. Only a fool would do that.  
  
After a while, he became aware that Spock and McCoy were leaving. Once the door had slid shut behind them, he relaxed slightly.  
  
With an effort, he turned his full attention back to the board in front of him. His abstraction had given his opponent an advantage; he set himself to regain the lost ground.  
  
It took some time - he had begun to doubt that King was quite as rusty as he had claimed - before at last he cornered his opponent. Laughing, he voiced his doubt.  
  
"I thought you said you were rusty? You gave me quite a run for my money there."  
  
"Beginners luck?" King suggested.  
  
"Maybe." Kirk yawned and stretched. "God, I'm tired. I'm for bed. See you in the morning, Andy."  
  
"Right, Jim. Goodnight." He was reaching for a pack of cards as Kirk headed for the door.  
  


  
  
***

  
  
  
The Captain made for his quarters, glad that the corridor was empty; he wasn't sure he had the strength to dissemble any more just then. He entered the cabin with a sigh of relief - and stopped short. McCoy was sitting beside his desk.  
  
"Bones? What - what are you doing here?" But he knew, too well, for his apparent anger at the intrusion to ring true.  
  
"You know that I'm here for Jim. Why? Tell me that. Okay, Spock raped you - but you know as well as I do - better than I do - that Vulcans can't control their biological impulses. You must know how guilty he feels about it."  
  
"Yes, I guess I do know." Kirk sank into his chair, with a hopeless gesture. "But how do you think I feel, Doctor?"  
  
McCoy sighed. "I know Jim. I know. But dammit, it's not as if you were a shy virgin! You're sexually experienced..."  
  
"Only with women, Bones; I'd never been with a man! I know a lot of boys experiment together, mutual masturbation, stuff like that, but I haven't even done that - the boys where I grew up - well we just didn't. I keep thinking that if he'd even said - it can't have come on so suddenly that he couldn't control long enough to just tell me. If he had done that... there still wouldn't have been any choice, of course, but I'd have had the illusion of choice. As it is... how could anyone expect me to feel at ease with him again, knowing he's raped me once, never knowing when he might just grab me again?"  
  
"You think he might?"  
  
"Vulcans are monogamous, aren't they?"  
  
McCoy sighed. "Yes. But Jim, he said to me that he couldn't warn you. Apparently the... the urge was sudden and irresistible. He hadn't had any idea that you would be an acceptable partner. It just... happened."  
  
Kirk sighed. "It isn't even the rape, Bones, unpleasant though that was. I feel... used; soiled. I just don't want him near me."  
  
"Then why the hell don't you just let him transfer? I'm not saying that he'd be happy if he did, but at least he wouldn't be reminded of what he did every time he turned around."  
  
"He's still the best First Officer in the Fleet. I don't want to lose that First Officer. I know what you're thinking, and what you're going to say - it's hard on him. Well, it's damned hard on me too, Bones - I'm not sure what I want. If he had asked, I would have said yes. Would I have resented it afterwards? I don't know. But he didn't ask, and I do resent it. I don't want to hate him for it - if I had a cast-iron guarantee it could never happen again, I think I could even manage to forget it. But pon farr is recurring, and in Spock's case, completely unpredictable."  
  
"Just what are you afraid of, Jim?"  
  
"Afraid?"  
  
"Yes. Are you afraid that if it happened again, you might just find yourself actually enjoying it?"  
  
"I don't think that's likely," Kirk said coldly.  
  
"Well, maybe not." McCoy was not convinced. In his experience, the men who were the most outspokenly anti-homosexual were either latently so themselves, or were afraid they might be. "But Jim - can't you bring yourself to speak to him again off duty? There's nothing to be afraid of in the rec room with a couple of dozen crew around. People are beginning to notice that something's wrong - and when King leaves, they'll notice all the more. I'm not saying that eventually someone will put two and two together, because I doubt anyone could; but it will affect efficiency sooner or later."  
  
"I'll try," Kirk said, "But I can't promise. Bones - you will stay his friend, won't you? I wouldn't like to see him left completely alone."  
  
"Yes," McCoy said shortly. "But I'm not the person he wants."  
  
After McCoy had left, Kirk found the rest he so craved elusive. Suddenly, bed was the last place he wanted to be. He left his cabin and headed down the corridor. A quick inspection of the lower levels would fill in time and might make him tired enough to sleep when he returned.  
  
The lower corridors were virtually deserted. Once he passed an engineering ensign carrying out routine maintenance, using the relative inactivity of the ship's night to check circuits that by day might be humming busily. He returned to his quarters, his restlessness barely assuaged, and decided to spend the night - at least until he felt sleepy again - in paperwork. He might as well put his insomnia to some use.

 

  
***

  
  
  
The Enterprise slid gracefully into orbit around Delta Leonis III; Kirk called a meeting in the Briefing Room. It was attended by King, Spock, McCoy and Sulu.  
  
Kirk looked around the seated men. "Well, gentlemen, here we are. Mr. King - according to my instructions, you are to be in charge of the survey. What exactly do you require of the Enterprise?"  
  
"Nothing for the moment, Captain. I have my own staff; they know what they are looking for." He glanced at Spock. "I would however appreciate the use of the science department laboratories for my men, once the survey has begun."  
  
"Very well, Mr. King. I take it you do not therefore require the services of any of the Enterprise's scientific personnel?" Spock asked, sensing that his dislike of the mining engineer, which had not lessened, was reciprocated.  
  
"No, Mr. Spock. I do not."  
  
Spock half turned to Kirk. "In that case, Captain, may I have permission to carry out a biological survey while we are here?"  
  
"That's not necessary, Mr. Spock," King said jovially, but with a hint of anger. "Starfleet wants this planet for mining, not for colonisation. My survey will, however, naturally cover the basics of the planet's biology."  
  
"I am not impugning your ability, sir. However, I do not consider it desirable for my staff to sit doing nothing during this period, and in any case they will resent the enforced idleness. It seems to me that if my staff is employed usefully in a biological survey of the planet, your staff can concentrate on your main function, which is to survey the mineral wealth. It may well be that the planet can function both as a mining world and as a possible site for colonisation. Earth itself, after all, was both for much of its recorded history."  
  
"Very well, Mr Spock," Kirk cut in. "Since Mr. King does not require your department's direct assistance, and since his staff will require the science labs, I see no reason why you should not deploy your personnel in a complementary survey - as you say, it will give them something useful to do."  
  
"Thank you, Captain." It was a small victory, to have won Kirk's consent over the objections of the mining engineer who was monopolizing so much of his time, but Spock felt no triumph, for Kirk had not declared his faith in his Science Officer's ability. "May I also have the assistance of Dr. McCoy and Mr. Sulu?"  
  
"I don't see why not." Kirk had no objection to Spock's selection of CMO and helmsman; neither was likely to be needed on the ship, and his request was - or seemed to be - proof that Spock had decided to make the best of things, and direct his friendship towards others. No, he had no objection. If anything, he was glad that Spock had asked for them, for the request eased the irrational sense of guilt he felt at continuing to avoid the Vulcan. He looked around. "Anything else?" he asked  
  
"We can operate from the ship, Captain?" King asked.  
  
"Yes, of course."  
  
"May we remain on the surface, sir?" Spock put in quickly. "It will enable us to check the nocturnal life of the planet."  
  
"Certainly." It would be a relief not to have Spock around for a day or two. "Anything more?"  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"Dismissed." He rose and strode out. King followed him, and even before the door shut, the others could hear his voice raised in apparent protest.  
  
McCoy and Sulu looked at Spock, whose face wore an almost defeated expression. McCoy gestured with his head, and Sulu took the hint; he left, and McCoy turned back to Spock. "King is a mining engineer," he pointed out awkwardly. "He'll have been well briefed on what he is to look for."  
  
"I know." Spock said. He sighed. "Doctor - is it petty of me to hope we find something that he misses?"  
  
"No, Spock - but it is Human."  
  
It was a measure of Spock's depression that he accepted McCoy's comment without protest.  
  
  


***

   
  
Spock beamed down a party of twelve, carefully taking them to a site fully five hundred miles from King's operational base on the same land mass.    Where King had selected the mountainous regions for his survey, Spock aimed for the flatter, more fertile plains  
  
He carefully selected a camp site on a slight rise near a small stream which in turn flowed into a bigger river about a mile from their camp. The area was sparsely treed, with long lush grass and a varied and extensive selection of soft-stemmed flowering plants; a few scrubby bushes completed the obvious flora. A short distance away a large herd of several different deer, horse and cattle-like creatures, apparently deciding that the newcomers were harmless, resumed grazing, although it was obvious that one or two heads were kept turned towards them  
  
McCoy came up to Spock. "Where there are big herds of herbivores, there are bound to be carnivores too."  
  
"My thought also, Doctor. We must keep watch, set guards," Spock agreed. He took out his communicator. "Spock to Enterprise."  
  
"Enterprise. Uhura here."  
  
"I require several security guards to stand night watches," Spock said. "There is a high possibility of dangerous animals."  
  
On the ship, Uhura glanced at Kirk, expecting him to answer. When he merely nodded, she turned back to her console, surprised, but said only, "Very good, Mr. Spock. They'll be down in a minute."  
  
Spock put his communicator away. It was illogical to be reminded to be careful, but he found himself almost heartbroken over Kirk's failure to warn him to 'take care'.  
  
They began their survey at once, continuing for several hours; finally returning to camp. The grazing animals had moved away as the Humans explored their vicinity; they were still in sight, but a good distance away.  
  
After a meal, the scientists retired to bed as darkness fell, while the guards mounted the first watch.  
  
Spock found himself unable to sleep. He was feeling much as he had done on a past occasion when he had asked McCoy to wish him luck... and the doctor had merely stared at him until at last he turned away to make his lonely way to the shuttle that was to take him to almost certain death.  
  
He lay listening to the sounds of the night. Somewhere not too far off he heard Human voices, and knew the watch was changing. Something called in the distance - a ghostly cry and he identified as the hunting cry of a night-flying carnivore, followed by a faint and high-pitched squeal, and he guessed that the bird had made a kill. He shivered slightly; nature could be very cruel, even on Vulcan. But at least these animals acted according to their instinctive needs, not out of wanton cruelty as so many Humans did.  
  
Not just Humans. He had found most Humans more tolerant than the other Vulcan children with whom he had studied. It seemed that it took intelligence to engender cruelty, for he was well aware that it had been the most intelligent of his schoolmates who had led the campaign of taunts designed to make him show a Human reaction.  
  
Far off, the bird - or another of the same species - called again. He began to feel drowsy.  
  
He was wakened abruptly from his half doze by a yell from outside, followed by the sound of a phaser. Instantly alert, he picked up his own phaser, laid conveniently just inside the tent door, and moved outside, just as McCoy left his tent, pitched beside Spock's.  
  
"What's happening, Spock?"  
  
"Uncertain." He glanced around, the light of a setting half moon still providing enough illumination for him to see the security guards and the dark hump just beyond them. He crossed to them as other men began to leave their tents.  
  
"What happened, Mr. Leslie?  
  
The senior guard pointed with his phaser. "That thing." He looked pale - perhaps it was only the moonlight, however. "Zeising saw it stalking me. He yelled a warning and shot it."  
  
Spock looked over at the body of the creature. "Was it alone?"  
  
"I think so sir," Zeising replied. "But it's hard to see in the moonlight. I only just saw it when it was getting ready to pounce."  
  
"Hmm." Spock walked over to the beast and stared down at it. Sulu joined him, while McCoy remained with the two guards estimating the extent of shock they had suffered. Some of the other scientists made to come over; McCoy stopped them, and indicated that they should return to bed, although he allowed the other guards to join their two fellows.  
  
Spock lifted the creature's head; long sharp teeth gleamed white in the moonlight.  
  
"Sabretooth type," Sulu said, surprised.  
  
"Indeed. The teeth do seem almost excessively large for the possible prey we have seen. Perhaps there are other creatures, larger than the ones we have seen, which also act as prey... but of course the animal will attack the weakest prey available"  
  
"I wonder how widespread it is?"  
  
"I would suppose that it inhabits the entire portion of the land mass that has similar climatic qualities," Spock hazarded. "I can report on it in the morning - its presence will affect the manner in which any mining settlements are developed."  
  
"Can we assume it's nocturnal?" McCoy asked as he joined them.  
  
"Strongly indicated.," Spock replied. "If so, my decision to remain overnight has already proved of benefit."  
  
"I can think of better ways," McCoy growled. "Spock, I suggest we get down a couple of shuttles to sleep in if you insist on staying down here tomorrow night as well."  
  
The two guards insisted that they were capable of finishing their watch, and the Humans returned to bed. Spock remained for a little longer beside the dead animal, able, with his excellent night vision, to make out details that no Human could have seen in the dim moonlight. Finally he straightened, and began to turn away to return to his tent.  
  
A vicious roar sounded behind him.  
  
Childhood memories surfaced, his training for the Kahs-wan, undertaken with ruthless efficiency by his father. Instantly, he dropped flat.  
  
The big carnivore overshot him and landed awkwardly, caught off balance by missing its intended prey. Spock grabbed for his phaser and fired in one quick movement, but it was too quick, and he missed. The creature regained its balance, whirled, and leaped for him again.  
  
He almost managed to roll clear, but one great clawed paw ripped down his arm. Far away, he heard shouting, then the whine of a phaser, then everything went black.

 

***

  
  
"Spock! Spock!"  
  
McCoy; Spock opened his eyes, finding it surprisingly difficult.  
  
"Yes, Doctor?" Even to himself, he sounded half drugged.  
  
"Thank God. I thought it had killed you."  
  
Surely it was too bright... With an effort, he focused on his surroundings, and realised that he was in sickbay. He looked at McCoy.  
  
"I couldn't see to clean you up properly down there," McCoy pointed out. "Also I took the liberty, as senior officer, to order everyone else back to the ship. There might just have been the two of them; on the other hand, they might hunt in packs like lions, and I didn't think it was worth taking the chance."  
  
Spock nodded. "What did... what did the Captain say?"  
  
"Not very much, but I could see he was worried."  
  
Worried - but he had not stayed until Spock regained consciousness. Once he had been assured that the Vulcan would be all right, he had retreated hastily, as if afraid that Spock would come around while he was there; as if he was afraid to let Spock see that he still cared. McCoy regarded it as a hopeful sign, but he was not about to tell Spock. There was no point in raising hopes that might not come to fruition for a long time.  
  
To keep from being asked anything more - if in fact Spock meant to ask anything more - McCoy turned his attention to the diagnostic panel. "Exactly how are you feeling?" he asked  
  
Spock considered the question. "Sleepy."  
  
McCoy nodded. "We'll have to do some research on the animals' bodies, but my hypothesis is that their claws secrete a sort of poison designed to drug their prey in case they miss a clean kill. In fact, those huge teeth probably handicap them when it comes to killing their prey. You were mauled, and the poison penetrated your bloodstream - but possibly because your blood is different to that of the native animals, it merely acted as a sort of sleeping draught instead of killing you."  
  
Spock nodded sleepily, not really caring. "Who finally shot the animal?" he asked.  
  
"Leslie and Zeising both fired at it - I wouldn't like to say which one actually killed it. Anyway, between them, they saved your life."  
  


  
***

  
  
By morning, Spock had recovered sufficiently that McCoy, although he grumbled about 'patients who hadn't the sense to stay in bed for twenty-four hours when they got the chance' allowed him to leave sickbay. He immediately headed for the transporter room, ascertained that his scientists had returned to the surface, and promptly joined them.  
  
The two dead animals were still lying where they had fallen. Spock examined them carefully, joining the two biologists who were already studying the creatures. Moments later they were joined by McCoy, who threw Spock a dirty look.  
  
"I said you could leave Sickbay, Mr. Spock, not that you were fit to come down and carry on working."  
  
"Doctor, I do not intend to do anything arduous - but I do have a personal interest in studying these creatures."  
  
McCoy shrugged. "You know something, Spock - the day I declare you dead, you're going to come back, just for the pleasure of proving me wrong.  
  
"Do you think that would be difficult, Doctor?"  
  
McCoy muttered something, and moved to join Sellini in making a detailed examination of the creature Zeising had killed first, leaving Spock with the one that had attacked him.  
  
The creatures were ugly, half as large again as either a Terran 'big cat' or a Vulcan le matya. The huge teeth looked doubly wicked in full light, the great curved canines slightly longer than those of a sehlat. But the sehlat's fangs had evolved to let it dig for the roots that were its preferred food in the wild; defence was their secondary function. The vegetarian sehlat was in fact a far more suitable pet for a child, despite its savage appearance, than many Terran dogs. Spock turned his attention back to the body again, appalled that he could be so easily distracted.  
  
The huge beast's paws terminated in the cruel claws that had torn Spock's arm open. He touched one carefully and decided they were retractable, extended now in the relaxation of death. He could even see the tiny hole from which the poison undoubtedly flowed. _Altogether,_ Spock decided, _a most unpleasant predator. Just how common were they?_  
  
One way of finding out was to remain on the surface again that night.  
  
He considered this several times during the day, while the scientists came and went with reports that he was almost too tired to absorb, finally voicing the suggestion to McCoy.  
  
"No!" McCoy said explosively. "It's far too dangerous."  
  
"We could follow your suggestion and bring down a shuttlecraft," Spock said patiently.    "Inside that, I would be perfectly safe, and able to observe what is happening."  
  
"If you stay, I'm staying with you," McCoy said firmly. "You're not recovered yet, and don't think I don't know it."  
  
Spock pulled out his communicator. "Spock to Enterprise."  
  
Kirk's voice answered, "Spock? I thought you were in sickbay." _Was there a trace of concern in his voice?_       
  
"I discharged myself sir, since I am perfectly recovered. Sir, I would like to remain here tonight; I believe we should attempt to discover how common these predators are. If we brought down a shuttlecraft we could watch in perfect safety."  
  
"Is McCoy there?"  
  
"Here Captain."  
  
"Your evaluation of Mr. Spock's condition?"  
  
McCoy glanced at the Vulcan. "I wouldn't say he's recovered, exactly, but he seems able to manage. I'll stay with him tonight."  
  
"Very well. But nobody is to be in the open alter dark, is that understood?"  
  
"Yes sir," Spock said. He put the communicator away, conscious of disappointment. In the old days... before... Vulcan... Kirk would surely have insisted on joining him. But then, before Vulcan, Kirk would probably have been with the landing party last night too.  
  
No. There was the faintest indication of concern - but nothing more. The Vulcan incident might be forgiven - it was most assuredly not forgotten. With an inner sigh, Spock pulled his attention back to his work.  
  


  
***  
  


  
There was no sign of any more of the big carnivores in the area during the remainder of their stay, and they came to the tentative conclusion that the beasts were possibly territorial. King's party saw no signs at all of similar creatures in their vicinity, but neither did their vicinity carry large herds of grazing animals; rather, the wildlife they found consisted of small rabbit like creatures leading solitary lives, and preyed upon by predatory birds.  
  
King was bitterly disappointed by the survey; he admitted to Kirk that it had been far less fruitful than he had hoped for. The particular minerals he had been told to search for, their presence indicated by long-range scans, were indeed present, but in quantities so sparse, so widely scattered, that mining them would be impossibly uneconomic. Other minerals were indeed present in workable deposits, but these were relatively common minerals; this planet was a useful reserve of them, nothing more.  
  
Spock's survey, on the other hand, proved that the planet was suitable for colonisation, provided some solution could be found to the problem of the big carnivores. The herds of native herbivores could probably be tamed; the soil was fertile - rich crops could be grown.  
  
Logic dictated the presence of some check on the numbers of herbivores other than the big sabretooths; these did not appear to be common enough to provide a wholly adequate check. They had been unable to discover it, but a further survey, one more detailed than this preliminary one had been, would surely be more successful.  
  
_All in all,_ Kirk reflected, _it has not been a wasted trip._ The survey - surveys - had been instructive; and he had learned he could get along just fine without Spock's company. Not even to himself did Kirk admit that he had managed so well because Andy King's presence had filled hours that would otherwise have been empty.  
  


  
***

  
   
One evening, several days after they had left Delta Leonis III, Kirk went along to King's cabin. The mining engineer was sitting at his desk,  an open bottle and two glasses in front of him.  
  
Kirk looked at the label and his eyebrows lifted. "Where did you get that?"  
  
King smiled. "I brought it with me. Don't tell me you never have a drink on board?"  
  
"No," Kirk admitted, "But not this..."  
  
King laughed. "You disapprove, Jim?"  
  
Kirk looked at the label again. Dream Mist. It was a drink he had heard of, though he had never felt any inclination to try it himself.  
  
It was reputed to 'loosen inhibitions that have been artificially imposed' - on the other hand, Kirk considered that most inhibitions were either the result of childhood training, or the result of something unpleasant happening, and that therefore any drink taken to excess would be equally likely to loosen those inhibitions.  
  
"Well... no, I don't suppose I do." He took  the glass King offered him, and sipped it cautiously. It was quite pleasant, liqueur-like, if a little sweeter than he cared for. He took a second, more confident mouthful.  
  
"I don't drink it often," King was saying, "but I like it occasionally." They talked easily for a while; King refilled the glasses. Kirk glanced at this second glass doubtfully; he was already feeling the effects of the first. Dream Mist certainly packed quite a kick!  
  
The conversation turned - as such conversations often will - to sex. "What do you do about it, Jim?" King asked curiously. "You were always one for the girls, but I know you've got rules aboard ship - and you always were one for sticking to the rules."  
  
Kirk laughed. "My good right hand," he admitted ruefully. "No women in the crew highly enough ranked. I've learned when a rule can be broken, but this one... Even if I found a 'steady' among the Lieutenants, no matter how discreet we were, you can't keep something like that quiet on a ship; sooner or later someone would realise, and claim that she was taking advantage of the situation... it would damage morale. No - I won't risk that."  
  
"Ever thought of trying it with a man?"  
  
"I did... try it once," Kirk was surprised to hear himself say. "I didn't like it."  
  
"Oh? What was wrong?"  
  
"He... the other man... he wanted the active role. I didn't like taking the passive one." Now why had he admitted that?   Especially when it was only a half truth.  
  
King laughed quietly. "If that's all - why not try it again - this time with the active role? Masturbation's all very well, but don't you miss having someone real with you?"  
  
Kirk's eyebrows rose. "Andy, are you saying you've been with men?" he asked bluntly.  
  
"Sure. Men - women, what the hell does it matter?"  
  
While Kirk was considering that bombshell, King went on, "Actually, it does matter - it's better with men. You know..." His voice suddenly changed became lower, more intimate, "I've always fancied you, Jim darling." He reached out and put a hand on Kirk's shoulder. When Kirk made no attempt to pull away, King moved over to kneel beside Kirk's chair, his hand sliding round Kirk's back. Kirk shivered. It was true - self gratification wasn't the same as having a live, responsive partner; and he was suddenly aware of how much he wanted - needed - some uninhibited loving. He relaxed, allowing King to caress him... and after a while, he began to respond...  
  
Afterwards, he lay back, physically satisfied. He grinned at King. "You're right," he said, almost surprised. "I did enjoy that."  
  
King grinned, "I thought you might, darling. Relaxing, isn't it? You didn't even have to worry about making anyone pregnant."  
  
Kirk grinned back. "Well, I reckon that most girls nowadays who say yes know the score, and take precautions - and of course, contraception is mandatory for women in the fleet, so if I pick one up on a Base... But I won't deny I'm glad nobody has taken out a paternity order on me... Serving officers shouldn't have family ties, it isn't fair on anyone." He stretched. "I'd better get back to my own cabin - the Captain's always on call any time."  
  
"How about tomorrow night, darling?" King sounded hopeful  
  
Kirk considered briefly as he dressed. "Well, why not?" he said cheerfully, and knew that it wasn't the drink speaking. He suddenly needed someone to want him..  
  
Perhaps McCoy had been right, after all.  
  


  
***  
  
 

  
It had been an enjoyable trip back to the Starbase. Kirk even found himself relaxing slightly in Spock's presence - especially when he discovered that the unsettling feeling of repugnance had gone - while maintaining with him the same formality that he extended to the rest of his officers.  
  
But if Spock saw him with King, he seemed to withdraw into some enclosed distance. The Vulcan treated King with absolute polite formality. Kirk wondered if Spock felt his professional nose slightly out of joint because he had been permitted no part of the mineralogical survey, then dismissed the suspicion as totally unworthy of Spock.  
  
A slight nervousness that King would behave in public towards him with undue demonstrativeness was quickly dissipated; King, it seemed, had a well-developed sense of discretion. They still spent part of their evenings in the rec room; only after that did they go to King's quarters - always King's. Kirk had rarely felt so relaxed; it was a long time since he had had regular sex, and he appreciated it. He always took the active part, King preferred it that way.  
  
On the last evening before they reached the Starbase, Kirk went as usual to King's quarters. They passed an enjoyable hour, then, relaxed and content, Kirk said, "Pity you leave the ship tomorrow. Have you never thought of trying to get assigned to a Starship? I have some influence - if you like, I could try to get you posted to the Enterprise?"  
  
King glanced at him. "Come on Jim, don't tell me that you of all people are looking for a steady liaison? You were always one for 'variety' - a good fuck then on to the next one. You and I have had a good fuck - in fact you're one of the best I've ever had - but now it's time to move on, darling."  
  
"One of the best? How many men have you been with, Andy?"  
  
"Well, I wouldn't like you to think I'm terribly promiscuous, darling," and he giggled. "I just collect senior officers. You're my twenty third Captain. Then there are six Commodores - and I even managed to get two Admirals."  
  
Kirk was suddenly conscious of a horrified revulsion - different from the one he had experienced with Spock. He had acted out of uncontrolled need; King was now saying that he was motivated by selfish lust. Kirk sat up. "Don't you... don't you ever feel you want more than a one night stand?"  
  
King laughed. "Oh, darling, you're so naive... Once you've been with someone, you knew what he's like, how he fucks - there's nothing new to experience."  
  
"But... Andy, if you really like someone... don't you want a more permanent arrangement, and... well, tenderness, affection...?" _'Men or women, what does it matter?'_ the phrase came back to him with mocking clarity.  
  
"Darling, there's no future in permanence, especially in our job. We were at the Academy together - and yes, I don't deny I fancied you back then, but it was too easy for you to get girls then, though I never gave up hoping I'd get you one day. But did you honestly give me one thought between then and now?"  
  
"Well, sometimes. If I thought back to the Academy."  
  
"How often was that? No, darling. In our job it's always out of sight, out of mind."  
  
Kirk began to dress. "So you don't care if you never see me again?"  
  
"I don't need to now, do I? And you don't need to see me. You know what it's like to fuck me."  
  
Kirk finished dressing and moved to the door. "No, I don't think I do want to see you again," he said quietly. "You're - cold - utterly selfish. You hid it well - until now... You don't give a damn about me as a person, but you deliberately set out to seduce me - you wanted a bit of sex, and I'd be another 'scalp' for your collection. All that patter about rules and regulations, and how about trying it with a man? Do you ever vary the script, Andy?"  
  
"You enjoyed it, darling."  
  
"Oh yes, I enjoyed it. But did it ever occur to you that some of us think of sex as something more than having a good fuck with a stranger?" He moved forward; the door slid open and he strode out.  
  
Anger carried him back to his own cabin; inside, he sank down on a chair and buried his face in his hands.  
  
God - he'd felt soiled, used, after Spock... but this! This was how it really felt to be used and he had been warned; but consciously or unconsciously he had expected Andy to change, be faithful - what a fool! And with the realisation came the further recognition that he no longer felt anger for what Spock had done. At least Spock cared for him. He might not have been able to say so, especially afterwards when he was in the grip of ashamed remorse... but Spock did care for him,  and he knew it. He had just chosen to 'forget' it for a while.  
  
Just?  
  
After a minute, he got up again and strode over to the shower, pulling his clothes off hastily as he went. He stood under the hot water, desperately trying to scrub away the sensation of having been 'violated'. Yes, he had been naive to expect someone as promiscuous as King to change, simply because Jim Kirk was his partner.  
  
At last he returned to the main cabin. Finding a clean uniform, he dressed again, tossing the discarded clothes into the disposal unit  
  
Then, resolutely, he left the cabin once more.  
  
He paused at Spock's door, swallowing nervously, then pressed the buzzer.  
  
"Come."  
  
He went in and stopped. Spock looked up from his desk, switched off the viewer and said, "Yes,Captain?" His voice was quiet, controlled - and in it Kirk clearly detected an undercurrent of pain.  
  
"Spock, I... I owe you an apology," he blurted, then saw the sudden hope, instantly suppressed, that shone in the Vulcan's eyes. "What happened... it wasn't your fault."  
  
Spock took a deep breath. "I assaulted you," he said stiffly. "You would have been within your rights to charge me accordingly. You have been... most forbearing."  
  
"No, I haven't," Kirk said quietly. "Because I wasn't able to pretend it never happened... And so I made it impossible for you to forget. I know you can't control pon farr - I was just - hurt... I think, that you hadn't controlled long enough to tell me... to warn me. But I must know one thing, Spock."  
  
"Yes, Captain?"  
  
"Was it me you wanted? Or was it just that anyone would have done - but I was there?"  
  
Spock's eyes fixed on the floor. He could not lie to this man... but he wished, desperately, that he could, as he uttered the words he was sure would prevent Kirk ever becoming reconciled.  
  
"It... was you I wanted."  
  
"And now?"  
  
"I want you still. I... On Vulcan, the third time... I could have stopped then, but I wanted you so much, I pretended I was still affected... but I can control the desire, Captain."  
  
"Spock... I have something to tell you." There was a strained note in Kirk's voice that made Spock look up, then away again, unable to watch the agony on Kirk's face. "When I was a boy. There was a man in our town... He was a raving queer. Effeminate, affected... and he was a prostitute, too - he'd sell himself to anyone who offered. Our fathers used to warn us that if we 'experimented' with other boys, that was how we'd grow up! Of course, all they wanted to do was stop us playing about - the way boys do... and yes, I saw the fallacy too. None of the men who patronized him looked very pansyish to me... but as I grew up - well, he coloured my picture of what a homosexual was.  
  
"I'd never met anyone else I knew was gay until a long time after that, at the Academy. When you grabbed me that day, I couldn't help but wonder if you'd seen something... 'effeminate'... in me - and I was horrified at the thought."  
  
"No." Spock said. "No - never that. A Vulcan who is drawn to another man is seeing a fellow warrior, one whose strength he respects."  
  
"Spock... a few nights ago I discovered that Andy King is - homosexual - I'd never guessed... He... seduced me! Oh, I went to him willingly enough, several times in fact, but tonight... I discovered that in his own way, he's a prostitute too. I thought you'd used me. But you didn't! _He_ did, and I feel sick when I think of how cheerfully I went to him. Now that he's satisfied his curiosity about my sexual prowess, he doesn't care a damn if he never sees me again. He doesn't believe in loyalty or friendship." His voice died away.  
  
When Spock made no answer, Kirk straightened. "I'm sorry Spock. I... If you still want that transfer, I'll approve it, although I still don't want you to go..." He turned away.  
  
"Jim!" He stopped and waited. "I do not wish to leave."  
  
Kirk turned. "What happens at your next pon farr?" he asked.  
  
"I can make no promises," Spock said quietly. "However, I believe that with other people present, I could control myself long enough for you to call Dr. McCoy and have me sedated, then kept under restraints until the madness passes. It is only the first occasion that is lethal if it is unsatisfied."  
  
"But you will suffer... what?"  
  
"Unimportant, if it means you can trust me again."  
  
"No, it's not unimportant, Spock." He hesitated, then said quietly. "I learned something from Andy King, something I never realised before. I'd always thought of myself as exclusively heterosexual; now I realise, I'm not. But sex is no use without love, not to me. It's love that counts. And I want... I need... someone who loves me."  
  
Spock said, very quietly, "My commitment to you is for life." Hesitantly, he reached out and put his hands on Kirk's shoulders.  
  
Kirk reached up in his turn and grasped Spock's arms. Their eyes met, still unsure but gaining confidence rapidly.  
  
"Jim?" Spock exerted a slight pressure, designed to pull the Human to him.  
  
Kirk resisted. "You can't want me, not straight from the bed of another man."  
  
Spock moved one hand to touch Kirk's still damp hair. "You showered first, I think."  
  
"Well... yes. I wanted to... to wash him off me."  
  
"Then come to me. Please. I want you."  
  
Kirk allowed himself to be pulled into a gentle embrace. He responded; they held each other for some seconds, before Kirk turned his head, seeking Spock's mouth, finding it.  
  
Their lips pressed together for a moment; then Kirk opened his mouth slightly, invitingly. At first he thought that without pon farr Spock had forgotten what to do, then the Vulcan's tongue slipped slowly into his mouth. Kirk caressed the invading tongue with his own, welcoming the exploration.  
  
At last Spock raised his head and looked at Kirk, his lips still just parted. "Jim," he whispered.  
  
"More," Kirk murmured hungrily.  
  
Spock allowed himself to smile. "You find my kiss pleasant?"  
  
"Yes...oh God, yes! Mmm." He sucked hungrily on the Vulcan's tongue. "I've been such a fool! I'm sorry, Spock."  
  
"I cannot blame you, Jim - it could not have been pleasant for you."  
  
"No - but it was mostly shock that you'd done that. If I'd not been so shocked I'd have been aroused too, I think."  
  
"I would still have been ashamed..."  
  
"Yes, but my reaction would have been different." He recaptured Spock's mouth, his tongue thrusting eagerly into it. His hands moved, seeking out the fastening of Spock's shirt. Reluctantly, he pulled his mouth from Spock's in order to slide the shirt over Spock's head. The Vulcan reciprocated; then they came together again, pressing avidly close.  
  
Their hands moved, touching, holding... their lips clung together fiercely. At last Kirk slid one hand to unfasten Spock's trousers. He tugged them down, releasing the swelling penis; he curled his hand around the enlarging organ, finding its smooth bulk pleasing. Spock gained courage from this and reciprocated. They finished undressing each other, then Kirk pulled the Vulcan over towards the bed.  
  
They sank down onto it, Kirk in growing excitement, Spock half nervously, afraid of hurting his Human again, but wanting him too much to even try for control.  
  
They explored each other's body, Spock following Kirk's lead at first until the Human murmured. "It's all right, Spock. I want you. I want you to love me. Please, Spock - love me?"  
  
Spock stroked his face lightly, wanting to meld but resolutely resisting the urge even as he had resisted it during pon farr. The longing to possess Kirk's mind as well as his body had been - was - almost overwhelming, but Humans were not telepathic, felt no need for the mental union that he, as a Vulcan, longed for. He had managed to force control on that need even during pon farr, sure that Kirk would resent a mental rape even more than the physical one - and he was loathe, even now, to risk offending the Human by asking for more than was offered - which was, after all, so much more than he had had before.  
  
Kirk saw the longing in Spock's eyes and guessed its cause. He would have feared a meld during the madness of pon farr; now he did not. "Do you want to meld, Spock?"  
  
"It is not necessary," Spock whispered reluctantly "It is not... It is only fair that I adjust to Human customs. You should not have to adapt to mine."  
  
"Will a meld increase our pleasure?"  
  
"It would increase mine," Spock admitted honestly, " I do not know how you would react."  
  
"Then let's try it and see. Meld us, Spock... please." He intensified his appeal by taking possession of the Vulcan's mouth.  
  
He felt Spock's hand touching his face, lightly, and pressed closer. The gentle touch of Spock's mind made him moan softly, wanting more. The touch intensified; Kirk could feel Spock's happiness at the contact, the Vulcan's joy at his Human's response, and knew, without any doubt, that he need never be afraid of this union.  
  
Spock's hands moved gently down his back and he shivered in startled ecstasy, feeling the thrill running down his spine, sensing how it felt to Spock. He responded willingly, pulling his mouth from Spock's to run his lips over the Vulcan's face. He found an ear and nibbled it. Spock gasped. He had never imagined such a sensation, eating away as it did at his very bones.  
  
Kirk whispered, "The meld makes it good for me too, Spock." Then he resumed the gentle nibbling. The Vulcan writhed against him; Kirk rolled over onto his back, pulling Spock on top of him. "Love me, Spock," he said again, thickly.  
  
Spock looked down at the aroused body that awaited his touch. Gently, hesitantly, he reached to curl hungry fingers around the firm penis. Kirk moaned softly as Spock stroked slowly, slowly... His hands clutched at the Vulcan, asking for a more forceful possession. Spock smiled at him, and urged his legs apart.  
  
"Yes! Yes, Spock, please!" Kirk offered himself eagerly, astonished that he felt so little fear.  
  
The hard bulk of Spock's penis nudged demandingly, insistently, at his anus. He relaxed as it pressed harder... then it slid easily into him, deeper and deeper.  
  
The Vulcan was moaning softly in ecstasy, and this time, fully understanding it, Kirk moaned in unison, wanting it, wanting more... Spock's fingers toyed with a nipple, causing a shiver to run down Kirk's body. Dimly Kirk realised that Spock was replaying the events of the pon farr as the Vulcan began to thrust, but gently this time. It felt wonderful.  
  
His own penis was firm, but he was not ready to come again - not yet. It pleased him to know that on this occasion he could submit completely without feeling any wish to dominate his partner - he had a suspicion that normally he would wish to be dominant. Spock's hand slid between their bodies to curl around his penis once more, milking him in rhythm with the steady thrust of his hips.  
  
"It's all right," Kirk whispered. "Don't worry about me - I'm not ready yet. Just... take your own pleasure, then start again. I'll be ready next time." He grinned.  
  
"I want to please you now."  
  
"It pleases me to give you pleasure. Next time... next time, I'll teach you a thing or two."  
  
Spock smiled again, then he kissed Kirk, "I will enjoy that."  
  
Spock began to thrust in earnest.  
  
Kirk gasped at the intensity of the pleasure he experienced; and when Spock shuddered into climax, his seed spurting into Kirk's body, the Human groaned in disappointment that it was over,  
  
Spock made to withdraw, and Kirk clutched at him, holding him close. "No, Spock. Stay inside me." His voice was hoarse with desire. He knew that now he would not always want to be dominant as he had thought, he would want to experience this ecstasy again... and often.  
  
The Vulcan lay still for several minutes, content in the aftermath of orgasm and with Kirk's complete surrender. Then he began to nibble gently at Kirk's face and neck. Kirk moaned softly, revelling in the caresses.  
  
Spock's penis, which Kirk thought had remained firm, swelled slightly, filling him with satisfaction. Spock's hand curled around Kirk's engorged penis, pumping it in rhythm with his renewed thrusting.  
  
Kirk's hands clawed passionately at Spock's back, his hips rising to meet the plunging hips. Excitement filled him as sensation spiralled upward, upward... and burst... overflowed. Hot semen filled him, even as his own flooded from him, covering Spock's hand and his own stomach. They lay motionless for a while, recovering  
  
"That was... indescribable," Kirk murmured at last.  
  
"Indeed," Spock replied. "Sometimes I dreamed... but it was never like this. I could not have imagined anything so pleasurable... so satisfying."  
  
Kirk yawned. "I'm sleepy," he said wryly. "I don't think I can stay awake long enough to do it again."  
  
"Then sleep, t'hy'la. We have the rest of our lives before us."  
  
"Do you know the nicest thing about tonight?" Kirk asked tiredly.  
  
"Yes, Jim?"  
  
Kirk forced his eyes open. "You don't call me 'darling'... I know that you love me... and you don't call me 'darling'. I like that..." His voice trailed off.  
  
Spock studied the sleeping face for a puzzled moment. He must remember to ask for an explanation in the morning. Then he pulled his Human closer, protectively, pressed his lips against Kirk's temple, and allowed his own eyes to shut.


End file.
